Top 10 Learning to Trust Again Resources March 2012
If you’ve suffered betrayal in your relationship – there is hope. These books can help you heal and learn how to trust again.
For the 70 percent of couples who have been affected by extramarital affairs, this is the only book to offer proven strategies for surviving the crisis and rebuilding the relationship –– written by a nationally known therapist considered an expert on infidelity.
When I was 15, I was raped. That was nothing compared to your affair. The rapist was a stranger; you, I thought, were my best friend.
There is nothing quite like the pain and shock caused when a partner has been unfaithful. The hurt partner often experiences a profound loss of self–respect and falls into a depression that can last for years. For the relationship, infidelity is often a death blow.
After the Affair is the first book to help readers survive this crisis. Written by a clinical psychologist who has been treating distressed couples for 22 years, it guides both hurt and unfaithful partners through the three stages of healing: Normalizing feelings, deciding whether to recommit and revitalizing the relationship. It provides proven, practical advice to help the couple change their behavior toward each other, cultivate trust and forgiveness and build a healthier, more conscious intimate partnership.
Refusing to pander to audiences expecting Dr. Phil-type quick fixes, Glass (who has appeared on Oprah herself) chooses “a new, fact-based, scientifically and therapeutically responsible approach” to a subject she contends is fraught with public and professional misconceptions. Drawing on research studies (her own and others’) and clinical cases from her 25 years as a psychotherapist, she explores “the new crisis of infidelity” resulting from platonic relationships that become progressively intense. Personal and professional friendships between men and women have become so prevalent and accepted that, according to Glass, even “good” people in “good” marriages can be swept away in a riptide of emotional intimacy more potent than sheer sexual attraction. Glass scrutinizes affairs and offers well-defined guidelines, including tips for determining how vulnerable individuals and relationships are to temptation, and prescriptions for keeping relationships “safe,” repairing betrayal-induced damages and recovering from the trauma. Glass’s credentials and commitment lend this book credence as a valuable resource; Staeheli’s easy, personable style and the well-organized format make it user-friendly, too.
Fear and distrust keep us from living the life we were meant to live, and they are the greatest hurdles to seeing the truth about life–that it is good, abundant, supportive, and potentially joyous. There’s nothing more important than seeing this truth, because the degree to which we trust life is the degree to which we can be happy and at peace.
Trusting Life is a deep exploration into the mystery of who we are, why we suffer, why we don’t trust life, and how to become more trusting. It offers evidence that life is trustworthy and tools for overcoming the fear and beliefs that keep us from falling in love with life.
From Trusting Life: “If we persist in being involved with our egoic mind, it will be difficult to discover the truth about reality-that living in reality, instead of the ego’s virtual reality, is a peaceful, safe, and joyous place and that within us is the wisdom and guidance we need to be happy and fulfilled. Being in the moment is where true happiness lies, but we won’t discover that if we’re wrapped up in the ego’s world and believing the ego’s perspective, which is one of fear and distrust.”
4. Who’s Got Your Back: The Breakthrough Program to Build Deep, Trusting Relationships That Create Success–and Won’t Let You Fail
Six years ago, author and management consultant Ferazzi wrote Never Eat Alone, about networking and developing empathy with clients; since then, he’s founded his own company (Ferazzi Greenlight), and the challenge has taught him the value of “a group that cared about and encouraged” him, “totally infused with excitement, optimism, energy, creativity and hope.” Trying to recreate the dynamic interactions that defined work at his former employer, Deloitte & Touche, Ferrazzi discovered that, in every sphere of life, fostering a “peer-to-peer collaborative process,” based in interlinked support groups, creates a safe space where criticism, accountability and self-correction flourish (think Weight Watchers or Alcoholics Anonymous). This bit of understanding, Ferrazzi concludes, is something “great leaders and peak performers throughout history have always known,” and his lively, anecdotal style welcomes average readers to the practice of building “lifeline relationships.” Though Ferrazzi’s upbeat spirit is encouraging and his lessons valuable, an over-emphasis on the ideal (“There’s nothing inherently nonsupportive about today’s corporate culture”) fails to address many hard realities facing today’s American worker.
How do you know you’re ready to trust again … and what does it take to be ready? Painful relationships violate our trust, causing us to close our hearts. But to experience the freedom and love God designed us for, we eventually have to take another risk. In this breakthrough book, bestselling author Dr. John Townsend takes you beyond the pain of the past to discover how to re-enter a life of intimate relationships. Whether you’re trying to restore a current relationship or begin a new one, Townsend gives practical tools for establishing trust and finding the intimacy you long for. Beyond Boundaries will help you reinstate closeness with someone who broke your trust; discern when true change has occurred; reestablish appropriate connections in strained relationships; create a safe environment that helps you trust; and restore former relationships to a healthy dynamic. You can move past relational pain to trust again. Beyond Boundaries will show you how.
Daring to Trustoffers key insights and practical exercises for exploring and addressing our trust issues in relationships. Topics include:
- How we learn early in life to trust others (or not to trust them)
- Why we fear trusting
- Developing greater trust in ourselves as the basis for trusting others
- How to know if someone is trustworthy
- Naïve trust vs. healthy, adult trust
- What to do when trust is broken
Ultimately, Richo explains, we must develop trust in four directions: toward ourselves, toward others, toward life as it is, and toward a higher power or spiritual path. These four types of trust are not only the basis of healthy relationships, they are also the foundation of emotional well-being and freedom from fear.
You’re probably familiar with the old saying, once bitten, twice shy. It describes a painful uncertainty many of us feel every day as we try to engage with other people. Acts of betrayal from our pasts can lead us into long cycles of wariness and mistrust. An inability to trust wisely can lead us to loneliness and isolation, or worse—putting our trust in the wrong people too easily.
The good news is that the ability to trust is both a choice and a skill that you can develop. You do not have to be controlled by the past. To a child, trust is a feeling that comes and goes, always under the influence of other people. Only as an adult can you learn how and when to trust more wisely. This book is a warm and friendly guide to achieving greater self-confidence and deeper levels of intimacy and trust.
Helped along by the book’s exercises and ideas for self-reflection, you’ll begin to develop new patterns of trust. Start by getting comfortable trusting your own instincts. Then, experiment with developing relationships based on mutual trust and curiosity. Learn from and then let go of old betrayals that have impaired your trust-building skills, and approach the rest of your life with a renewed sense of purpose and belonging.
In Trust Betrayal, Dealing with breach of trust, healing and learning to trust again, the author explores the many types of betrayals that can take place in one’s life, how the pain from these experiences can block the suffering victims from untold peace, love and prosperity, how to promote healing and re-engage good fortune and how to live a happier, more productive and better life.
No stranger to the emotional pain of betrayal, he helps the reader discover how the relationship enabled the transgressor to conduct the breach of trust in the first place. Though thorough self-examination, documentation and analysis, helps the victim regain control of their life.
The emotional pain from failed relationships can cause the injured party’s life to implode, giving way to depression and stagnation. By using the techniques provided in Trust Betrayal, Dealing with breach of trust, healing and learning to trust again, the author coaches readers through effective visualization exercises and rituals that will assist victims of betrayal to not only get back on track, but to excel in a positive future with renewed spiritual energy and awakening.
Covering a wide-range of possible betrayal of trust, no stone is left unturned, and these strategies can be applied to any type of emotional assault that has resulted in broken trust; anything from broken contracts to failed marriages. Transgressions are turned into episodic growth spurts, leading to a general understanding of the human condition, while bolstering self-growth.
The catastrophic breach of trust, once thought of as a major negative experience, can be translated into an empowering time of spiritual growth that can catapult the afflicted into a new life of love, happiness, generosity, forgiveness and renewed faith in endless possibilities.
If you’ve suffered a betrayal at the hands of another, you can reclaim your life, and enjoy the best this life has to offer by following the guidelines set forth in Trust Betrayal, Dealing with breach of trust, healing and learning to trust again.
A few days after an ordinary Valentine’s Day, Cindy Beall’s life changed forever. She listened with disbelief to her husband, Chris, a respected pastor, confess to pornography addiction, numerous affairs, and the startling news that a woman was pregnant with his child.
With raw honesty and intimate knowledge of pain and of God’s power to resurrect something new out of the debris of betrayal, Cindy reveals how to:
- seek guidance, counseling, and prayer support when deceptions surface
- help the family heal from the grief and humiliation
- rebuild trust after porn, sex, and other addictions undermine a relationship
- protect a marriage from lies and unfaithfulness
- rely on God to pursue forgiveness and move forward in new promises
Cindy’s compassion, grasp of God’s Word, and the Bealls’ remarkable story will help wives and husbands trust God with their broken hearts and follow His leading, hope, and redemption.
Have you ever been lied to by a lover? In this straightforward and supportive book, therapist Susan Forward profiles the wide variety of liars, shows you how to deal with the lies — from the benign to the lethal — that these men spin, and gives practical strategies to stop them before they ruin your relationship and, ultimately, your life.
Once you find out the truth about your lover and his lies, what do you do? Forward offers practical, proven, step-by-step methods for healing the wounds caused by his deception and betrayal. She provides all the communication and behavioral techniques you need to deal with a lover’s lies, telling you exactly what to say, when and how to respond to his reactions, and how to present your requirements for staying in the relationship. With understanding and compassion, she helps you decide whether your relationship can be saved and shows you how to move beyond doubt and regret if you feel that it can’t. But whether you stay or go, you can learn to love and trust again.